Showing posts with label nyc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nyc. Show all posts

Monday, October 3, 2011

Join us for our 9th Brit meetup birthday and upcoming events....

Hey there....

Happy NYC Autumn!

Yes, the British Expat meetup group will be celebrating its 9th Anniversary, this year.

So, to celebrate we have a fantastic Birthday party arranged for THIS Wednesday, 5th October at Slatterys Midtown Pub (8 E. 36th St, btwn Madison & 5th) from 7pm.

We will supply the cake, balloons and will be holding a special birthday raffle.

$5 suggested donation includes cake, special birthday BAB shot and raffle tickets!

We have the party room upstairs booked for us, so come upstairs and look out for the union jack flag.

We look forward to celebrating with you all!

RSVP @ Meetup or Facebook
http://www.meetup.com/NYC-British-Expats/events/26322571/
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=219850898070672

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Next Events....

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3RD FRIDAYS
Friday, 21st Oct @ 6pm
Stone Creek Lounge
140 E. 27th (btwn 3rd & Lex.)

Come out for our regular monthly event for Happy Hour, great Brit tunes and more....

Big Apple Brits LLC is an official NYC fundraising representative for The Royal British Legion.

We will have remembrance day poppy's available for donations. Wear your poppy with pride. All proceeds go directly back to the charity.


RSVP To All Events Here!
http://www.meetup.com/NYC-British-Expats/
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REMEMBRANCE DAY FUNDRAISER
Wednesday, 2nd November @ 7pm
Downstairs @ Klimat
77 E. 7th (btwn 1st & 2nd)


Come out for a great night to raise funds for The Royal British Legion. All donations and proceeds from the raffle will be donated.

$5 entry includes drinks specials, nibbles, raffle tickets and live music for a great fundraising event. Poppy's will still be available for further donations.

Click here for last years photos!

All proceeds from this event go directly to the charity.

RSVP To All Events Here!
http://www.meetup.com/NYC-British-Expats/

We have many more great events coming up in 2011, see you soon!

Sincerely,

The Big Apple Brits Team
Big Apple Brits

Email: info@bigapplebrits.com
Web: http://www.bigapplebrits.com 

Posted via email from Big Apple Brits - British Expats, Anglophiles and Brit Culture Lovers New York City

Saturday, March 12, 2011

THE Royal Wedding '11 Celebration Party in NY!

Join us for the Biggest Party of the Century, So Far!

On Friday 29th April from 5am, head over to trendy DUMBO and watch the Royal Wedding between Kate Middleton & Prince William on a massive screen at the archway under the Manhattan Bridge!

Big Apple Brits is partnering with the DUMBO Improvement District to create an amazing day of celebrations.  DumboNYC.org are providing the screen, a fantastic sound system and will broadcast the event Live and then repeat it in the afternoon.  100's of revelers are expected.  An exciting schedule of activities are currently being finalized and will be posted here late March.   The outdoor viewing & activities are completely FREE to attend.

Join us for our Big Apple Brits party at the DUMBO Lofts which will run all day and night!  This cool space is across from the archway right next to all the action.

Take Advantage of our Early Bird Special Pricing upto 1st April Reserve Now!

All Day VIP Pass (9am - 1am) Only $50 Evening Pass (8pm - 1am)  Only $30

Tickets include AN "OPEN BAR" ALL DAY & NIGHT! serving Beers, Wine, Champagne, Kia Royales, Spirits, Pimms, Cider, Soft Drinks & much more.   Also 10 Raffle tickets are included and Canapes will be served during the evening event.

The BAB Party includes a re-run of the day's events, video clips from past royal events, Live Music, DJ's spinning tunes across the decades, Comedians, Theatre shows and much more.....

"Like" our  Facebook Fanpage - Follow us on Twitter

 

Watch the Royal Wedding Live New York City, NYC, USA, Brooklyn, Kate Middleton Prince William, 2011 Party Celebration Event


 

Posted via email from Big Apple Brits - British Expats, Anglophiles and Brit Culture Lovers New York City

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

5 Things to do this NYC Halloween!

Photo Credit: Archivalproject

Halloween to us Brits is just ghosts and ghouls and scary stuff!

In NYC and America generally, there is still a scary element out there, but the costumes can be anything from Alice in Wonderland to the latest puppet in the political world! EVERYONE dresses up so dont miss out on what is the biggest, yes the biggest night in New york City. Not sure what to do? Here are some ideas for this years festivities: (and dont be shocked if you think you have mistakenly stepped into the red light district)

1) If you can stand crowds and being pushed left, right and centre, dont miss the famous Village Parade. it starts on Spring & 6th & runs up to 22nd street, 7-10pm. Anyone in costume can join in the fun, so if you have a group of friends up for it, get there early for the line up.

Photo credit: Life.com

2) Attend one of the many mental Halloween parties
3) Go to a haunted house. New Yorks Time Out has a great info page on where to get scared.
4) Have kiddies for this Halloween? Here are some great resources for family fun.

Photo credit: TimeoutKids

5) If you are not joining in, have a great time checking out Rickys costumes and people watching from afar.

Are there any "must dos" this Halloween we missed out?
Add them below in the comments.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Sara Delaney - The Brit Bloggers crash New York Fashion Week

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Even Amber Rose looked sullen in the front row of the Christian Siriano show on Day 2 at Mercedes-Benz Fashion week and she had a seat!. Kanye's gal was front and centre as the models strutted their stuff at the show where we found that 2 invites actually means 1 in the fabulous world of fashion.

 

An early entrance by my good self meant I bagged the 'standing' ticket and managed to weadle my way down to a 4th row seat through sheer charm and blagging power. Less luck for my trusty co-hort and blogging babe Welsh Alien in NY, who was left swimming in the sea of sadness that is the free bar at the Tents.

 

With her usual bravado and stiff upper lip she managed to fall into the company of some charming chaps who are in New York from LA to develop their burgeoning clothing line Anjgiles. Cheering her up with their banter it was off to the Waldorf Astoria to take a peek at the Edwing D'angelo show - until that is we realized our tactical error.

 

Instead of sticking at the Tents where we could have spotted the likes of Naomi Campbell and her chums at the Fashion for Relief Haiti show, we stumbled into a scary world of 'wannabe' fashion. The once fabulous Waldorf was playing host to a 'couture show' - more like 'comedy show'.... think Camden market meets Singapore stall trader.The place was packed with tables of bizarre tat for sale with a ballroom area for so called fashion shows. Luckily we realized our error within minutes, turned on our heels and re-grouped in a cocktail lounge before heading to Chelsea for Antonio Berardi's show.

 

So what of the clothes ; It felt a bit like I'd spent the day on the High Street.

 

altChristian Siriano was all ruffles and layered pleats in dark neutrals with the occasional pop of color. His show stopping evening gown of hot pink with an enormous train had the model wibbling on her heels but maybe that was something to do with the sky high Payless heels she was wearing . Overall the looks were wearable if a little dull, by the look on her face I'm not sure Amber Rose will be hurrying to slip into any of the pieces either.

 

 

Alexander Berardi was a little too mass market for me - any of the looks could have easily been pulled off the racks at Zara or H and M - certainly not worth the 30 minute line outside in 28f at the end of a long day.

 

 

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Surprising though it may seem, there is space in the hectic Mercedes-Benz New York Fashion week Fall 2010 schedule for mens clothes as well as oodles of shows for the ladies. The Mik Cire by Eric Kim show (which had us befuddled for a while until we figured out Eric Kim had just put his name backwards for his new label) was a show strictly for the boys. Eric - who was the founder and CEO of fab fashion label Monarchy, has just launched his new menswear label.

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Legendary catwalk instructor Miss Jay was in the front row and was showing some keen interest in the uber cool looks that were sashaying down the runway. With an urban military vibe that oozed downtown boy meets Eastern european checkpoint guard, this may not be a look I could get my husband to pull off, but I'm looking forward to seeing all those fashion savvy gents in the audience embracing it.

 

Coolest look of the show? has to go to Eric Kim taking a bow with his cute son.... bless!

 

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Blog from Big Apple Brits - http://www.bigapplebrits.com

Posted via web from Big Apple Brits - British Expats, Anglophiles and Brit Culture Lovers New York City

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Vanity Fair Eastenders Party Big Apple Brits

Article in Vanity Fair by James Walcott on Big Apple Brits-Eastenders 25th Anniversary Party in New York City.

Eastenders 25th Anniversary Party by Big Apple Brits in New York City - THE premier social community for British Expats, Anglophiles,Britophiles and lovers of Brit culture in New York City, USA - http://www.bigapplebrits.com

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Gritty Brits and Britty Grits by James Walcott - Vanity Fair

Dot. Sharon. Lofty. Arfur. Pauline. Den & Angie. Grant and Phil. Pat and Frank.

If these names stir your wind chimes, then you must be a fan of EastEnders, the gritty, spotty-faced British soap opera where everyone's got something dodgy going on and the characters spit dialogue such as, "He needs to sort himself out" and "He needs sorting out, that one does" and "You need to sort yourself out, before somebody does it for you."

"Personally," writes Michael Bywater in a very entertaining essay on The Meaning of EastEnders, I'd give it top marks just for introducing a new and universally appropriate greeting whenever one resident opens the front door to another: 'What YOU want?'"

In honor of the show's 25th anniversary (my, how time flaps like a sooty bird), there's a Big Apple Brits party this Saturday the 13th at the Grisly Pear on Macdougald Street that begins at 5 pm and will continue until everybody is properly sorted out. For all the details, click this link.

The anniversary party also serves as the book launch for Larry Jaffee's Albert Square & Me: The Actors of EastEnders, a collection of interviews with cast members past and present. The publisher of Walford Gazette, Jaffee is the best friend on this side of the Atlantic that EastEnders has ever had, a tireless evangelist for the show fighting for its availability on public television and cable despite setback after setback. (I've never forgiven BBC America for dumping new episodes of EastEnders for a nonstop rotation of antiques and makeover programs.) Albert Square & Me is also available on Amazon.

Did I ever tell about the time I attended a luncheon for June Brown, the actress who plays Dot? Turns out she had a small role in Straw Dogs that ended up on the cutting-room floor. Now as fascinated as I was to hear about EastEnders backstage baseball, getting the inside dope on Sam Peckinpah's sorting everybody out on the set of Straw Dogs--well, to me that's the stuff of "movie magic." Because of that I probably monopolized June Brown at that long-ago luncheon, but who cares, the restaurant where we met is now a bank and the colors of memory have run and mingled and faded. Time's winged chariot is stuck in a snowbank and so I must take the subway instead down to Soho House, where I have a lunch date.

http://www.vanityfair.com/online/wolcott/2010/02/dot-sharon-lofty-arfur-pauline.html

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http://www.bigapplebrits.com

About Big apple Brits

Big Apple Brits - THE Premier Social Networking Community in New York City for British Expats, Anglophiles and lovers of Brit Culture. Our primary goal at Big Apple Brits is to provide an established British Expatriate community and forum in NYC for new arrivals, weekend visitors & guests from the UK, as well as building upon great friendships and networking possibilities we offer in New York City and beyond!

In addition to British Expats, we also welcome Anglophiles & anyone interested in Brit culture. We specialize in specializing in online forums, blogs, business services and regular face to face events. Being Expats ourselves we understand some of the challenges with moving, working and in all cases making friends in a new city. Big Apple Brits assists new members to settle into life quickly with a great network of friends and helps with many questions that occur when relocating to a new country.

Big Apple Brits is free to join and become an active member in our online community. Our regular events are extremely inexpensive and we usually only charge a small nominal fee for attendance. In addition to the Big Apple Brits site, we also run the largest British Expat Group on Meetup.com with over 1300 members - Our Facebook community is in excess of 1000 members - Our LinkedIn Groups have over 500 members and 1400 people follow us on Twitter. We pride ourselves on being the No. 1 British Expat community in New York City.

"Expat Best Of British Awards" by The Telegraph...."

Vote for The Big Apple Brits Team in the "Expat Best of British Awards" by The Telegraph for the category of "Best Social Club in New York City

http://expatbestofbritish.telegraph.co.uk/united-states/new-york/big-apple-brits/

http://www.bigapplebrits.com/eastenders Eastenders 25th Anniversary Party by Big Apple Brits

Posted via web from Big Apple Brits - British Expats, Anglophiles and Brit Culture Lovers New York City

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Eddie Izzard at Madison Square Garden blog by Danielle Warren on Big Apple Brits

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I can remember back a mere ten years ago when uttering the name Eddie Izzard elicited nothing more than a confused response of “who’s that?” Fast forward a decade and 12,000 New Yorkers were clambering to see the man perform at Madison Square Garden, a venue so vast and exclusive he is one of four comedians, as well as the only British one, ever to have played it. This particular achievement, mind you, also comes at the tail end of an enormous arena tour performed all over the UK and Europe, including Wembley, the O2, MEN, and arenas in Denmark, Norway, and Sweden. Upon completing the US leg of Stripped: The Big Intimacy Tour in Los Angeles at the end of January, Izzard will have played to a combined audience of over 250,000 people. Astounding numbers for a man barely ten years ago most people in the US had never heard of.

Savvy fans and ex-pats around town may have been familiar with Izzard’s one of kind standup performances, but even they were in for a treat last Saturday night. It was vintage Izzard absurdities, replete with a new, more toned down image; ‘stripped’, if you like. He wore fitted jeans, a red striped button down shirt, and the pièce de resistance, a circus like coat complete with ringmaster coat tails. Some may have been disappointed with the lack of more feminine apparel they are used to seeing Izzard in, but the new look went a long way to highlight the endless ambition Izzard owns and refines on a daily basis; The Big Intimacy Tour spotlighting that ambition in bright, almost blinding lights. Occasionally it’s difficult to understand how a stocky, middle class transvestite British comedian such as Eddie has the talent and where withal to break barriers and become one of the most well known British talents in America, but the man accepts that responsibility with apparently effortless ease and aplomb.

While some patrons may have scoffed at the obvious lack of intimacy in an arena the size of Madison Square Garden, Izzard explains the idea behind this ‘big’ intimacy tour was his way of pushing the limits of comedy by playing arenas, in an attempt to “make an aircraft hanger cozy.” And despite the gargantuan size of the Garden, he still managed to impose his casual style on a crowd of over 12,000. The show began in an unconventional way, with the trailer to Izzard’s current documentary, Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story, projected onto the massive screens on either side of the stage. As the trailer finished, the spotlights around the arena began to dance along to the music that swelled through the sound system. Suddenly as the music hit its crescendo, Eddie entered center stage in a blaze of glory. No sooner did he arrive, than he hushed the audiences’ rapturous applause and proceeded to spill his first words of the show; a series of umm’s and ahh’s that have become part and parcel of Izzard’s repertoire. The first wave of laughter echoed through the Garden; Izzard now owned the joint, only to humbly admit moments later that he was indeed, a bit nervous.

As he hit his stride, Izzard began to breeze through the show as if he were having a casual chat to a friend. He explained that this particular show “would be about everything that has ever happened…with a few gaps.” He discussed his own personal politics to start things off, probably in an attempt to make sure everyone there was indeed on his side from the word go. His views on God, or rather the lack there of, may have seemed deep and possibly offensive, until Izzard logically, and comically, pointed out that if there was a God, why didn’t he just flick Hitler’s head off? Another roar of laughter and with the audience now firmly on his side, he continued to go on flights of fancy and conjure up surreal images of barnyard animals, badgers who can be choosers, and the invention of the Stone Age. Who else on the planet but Eddie Izzard would enthusiastically relay a story of a noisy chicken that eventually gets a trumpet wedged to its face, thus dubbing it a ‘jazz chicken.’ Along with the constant use of anthropomorphism Izzard has become famous for, the familiar elements of history and iconography were constantly threaded throughout the two-act show. Izzard hilariously mimed the weavers of the Bayeaux Tapestry, explaining how they were the paparazzi of their age. In discussing the obvious fallacy inherit in the story of Noah’s arc, Izzard reminded us that while two of every animal may have entered the boat, the only ones that survived would have been the lions, tigers and a hapless frightened squirrel who hid in a food tin as the carnivores massacred the other creatures. The most impressive part of these bizarre narratives is that the absurd characters appear over and over again, cementing the show’s genius interweaving by the ringleader himself.

Compared to his other live shows, the production design was simple and understated, but it perfectly captured Izzard’s maturity and the seriousness with which he takes comedy. The stage appeared to be a prison with a small barred window, or more abstractly, a prison of the mind. Along the walls were symbols, sketches, and Arabic texts; a melee of writing and images that could only course solely through the brain of Eddie Izzard. He clarifies by stating, “the idea is of a prison of the mind with a small window that represents where you can be looking, like the Oscar Wilde saying, ‘we’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars’.” Just like Wilde, Izzard continuously seeks to challenge his audience by bursting the bubble of conventional thinking and take his passengers on a lateral journey through his own unique mind.

Always original, always extraordinary, and most importantly, always funny, Eddie Izzard once again proves why is he one of the foremost standup comedians of the last 20 years, with the stellar performance at Madison Square Garden cementing this fact. Izzard’s penchant for taking the audience on a train ride with an unknown destination, unknown even to its conductor, creates a sense of excitement within the viewers and within himself. No matter what the reaction of the people watching, Eddie is always having fun. Even preferring to make jokes that make only him laugh to another piece of material. Why? Because he can, and we enjoy watching him do it. As stated in the tour program, “Like a medieval court jester, his role is to prick the balloon of conscience, encouraging us to look behind, beyond, and within. Ultimately he invites us to believe – in spite of our fear, in spite of our madness and in spite of our bloody history. Anyway, he’s back.” And the people of New York thank him for his return.

Big Apple Brits - The home of the Britophile

http://ww.bigapplebrits.com


Posted via web from Big Apple Brits - British Expats, Anglophiles and Brit Culture Lovers New York City

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

"Coming out to play" by Emma Smith


Emma Smith is a featured blogger on Big Apple Brits

If Manhattan is an adult playground then we've defiantly earned our turn on the swings.

After tears, tantrums and some elegant accounting we have been deemed just about good enough to pay huge sums of money to rent our dream apartment, nestled on a tree lined street tucked inside the West Village. It has 5 whole rooms and proper doors and a kitchen that you could swing at least a kitten in. The walls are white and the floors wooden and shiny, a perfect blank canvas I think.

"It's a blank canvas!" says the American. I scowl and begin to worry that phrases like that mean he might want to take an actual interest in the the interior decorating.

Unlike many of the luxury prison cells for rent, It has windows in every room. It sits opposite the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender community centre, which is hands down the cleanest and most aesthetically pleasing community centre I have ever seen.

The American has been preparing a top drawer for this very day. Except it's seemingly full of nothing but electronics.

''So I got us a TV.'' he offers a few days before the big move.
''But we have two TVs already,"
''Yes but there are three of us, so we need three TVs.''
''No home needs three TVs.''
''Huneee, we need one for the living room, one for our bedroom and one for the Teenager.'
''We don't."
''Well I got it anyway.''
''How big is it?''
''Huh?'' he says and tries to busy himself by fiddling with the air-con.
''The tele. How big?''
''It's kinda big'' he says distractedly.
''How big is kinda big?''

There is a worryingly long pause.

''52 inches.''

Oh. Dear. God. I swallow the orange sized lump in my throat.

''Okaaaay. So show me how big that is Matthew?"
''It's 52 inches big.''
''Yeah, I get that, I am just saying, show me with your arms.''
''I can't.''
"Why?''
"Cos my arms won't stretch that far.''

The American is 6ft 2.

My sulk is only halted by his promise that if I leave the electronics to him, I can do the rest of the apartment how I like.

*
Before we flit to Manhattan in a cloud of Marc Jacobs and cupcake bakeries I bid a fond farewell to Astoria- cheap rent, elevated trains, the Korean deli that smells of cat's piss, the 99c store and the Brazilian neighbours that put Christmas decorations up in September.

I want to go out in style so take a long overdue visit to the PS1 gallery, MoMa's hipper, younger sister located in Long Island city.

As I cross the road an amazing smell is wafting in the air, like sugary doughnuts baking in the oven. I assume it is coming from the cafe. I wonder how quick I can rush through the art in order to sit in down and eat whatever the smell is.

I needn't have worried. Aside from giant Woolly Mammoth skin suspended on scaffolding in the courtyard there appears to be not much actual art to look at.

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I pay $5 to get into a building that looks like a deserted asylum and spend the next 20 minutes wandering into empty rooms or stairwells that lead nowhere, debating whether they are part of the art. I walk under the famous swimming pool exhibit and marvel at a giant room full of 2822 records. Aside from that the only art I can find is from a man who emptied his entire Berlin apartment and stacked all the furniture on top of each other. According to the blurb, everything will return to his home once the exhibition is done. I wonder what he is doing for furniture in the meantime-I hope he didn't have to go to Ikea.

I spend 20 minutes trying to locate the cafe, to no avail and then am back outside sniffing the sugary air again. A little way up the street a group of hipsters are doing to same. Is this part of the art? Smell-a-vision. It beats the usual drains and garbage smell.

On the way home a woman next to me on the subway starts breastfeeding while a homeless man snores loudly opposite her wrapped in a sleeping bag. A group of Mexican buskers in full national costume then get on and start singing. Who needs museums when New York city is like one big art installation?

*

I make an unscheduled visit to the American's office. There are several ginormous cardboard boxes stacked up in the corner.

''Oh Christ. Is that the tele?''
''Umm, no.'' he tries to look busy on his computer.
''Where's the tele then?"
''In storage."
''What are these things then?''
''Just a few things essentials for the apartment.''
''Oww cool, like plates and cups and stuff?''
''No, not really..Hey, did you know we have Reese Peanut butter cups in the kitchen?''
''What is in the boxes Matthew?''
''Umm. Speakers.''
The boxes are 5 foot high.
''5 foot high speakers?"
''They are really slender.''
''I don't care if they are anorexic, they are five foot high. And what else?''
''An amp."
"Anything else?''
"Maybe a blue ray player?"
''Is that it?''
"I got an ipod doc too....well, 2 ipod docks actually."
''Did you order us anything to sleep on by any chance?''
''Umm, no, but hey huneee I got us these really cool all-in-one remote controls!''
"We don't have a sofa. We don't have anything to sit on to watch and listen to all this shit''
''Don't call my electronics shit please hunnee''

I stomp off to contemplate a new look for the apartment- chav lottery winner chic.

*

The night we move into the apartment and I am sat on a chair we stole from The American's former housemate looking at the unwrapped beast that is the 52 inch TV.

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Matt has hired two PAs from the office to help us move. They keep bringing boxes and they all have electronics in them. By the time they have finished the living room that looked a decent size is crammed full of boxes and not one of them has anything useful in.

At 3 a.m. we finally flop onto our inflatable bed.

''We did it." I turn to The American with a huge Cheshire cat grin.
''I know huneee. We got a place in the West Village. Me and you. In the West Village."
"In the village that is West?" I ask
''The village that we live in. The West Village.''
"The West Village where we live?''

This game goes on for at least 10 minutes until we fall asleep wrapped up in a duvet with no cover on and mismatched sheets. A few hours later I have a nightmare that a giant black beast is attacking me, until I wake up properly and realise it's just the TV I can see peeking at me through the crack in the bedroom door.

I get up and rifle through a suitcase until I find what I need. Several hours later The American gets up for work to see 3 Cath Kidston strawberry print tea towels draped over the giant TV.

In the adult playground, let the games begin...

"Feet First" by Emma Smith

Emma Smith is a featured blogger on Big Apple Brits.

Week two of my new life in New York and it is entirely possible I may lose my legs.

I fear they could actually fall off from all the walking. Today I saw ten apartments in three hours. That is a lot of walking and fast. People in New York walk like the pavements are made from hot coals. My legs can't cope. When I wake up in the morning they may have detached themselves from my body in protest. Why isn't everyone in New York thin from all the walking? Why aren't I thin yet?

To be fair, it's only been two weeks. At least I don't really face loosing my legs from an existing condition like the crazy, scary lady on the subway:

"I got diabetes you focking baaaastard! I may be a double amputee! Would yoo like that? Would yoo?"

She is swinging her cane around and accusing a seemingly innocent man of stepping on her foot. He sensibly escapes at the next stop. Unfortunately she is right opposite me and in my direct eyeline, so I busy myself with reading the adverts above her head. I fear any eye contact may result in her whacking me with the walking stick. She weighs about 90 pounds but I am scared.

''That's right! Look away!"'

Oh fucking hell. Is she talking to me? I am too terrified to look at her and find out. I keep focused on a Spanish advert about impotence. All the other passengers are also looking in any direction other than hers while she throws half a bottle of some prescription pills down her neck.

''Don't you all count your chickens you motherfockers! God knows. He knows!! You can't hide focking shit from him! You will all be found out. He'll get you all in the end, if I don't first!"

Oh grrrreat. My fabulous new life in New York is going to end with me being beaten to death by a crazy lady with diabetes and a cane on the Queens bound N train.

Thankfully she gets off at the next stop. Thank god, I would be really angry If I got murdered in the murder capital of America and it didn't even make the papers.

*

So I live another day to continue my hunt for an overpriced Manhattan storage cupboard that is known locally as an 'apartment'.

Highlights of the search so far have included:

1) An apartment for thousands of dollars opposite a housing project, with two crackheads slumped in the doorway and the remnants of not one, but three stolen bicycles outside

2) An apartment for thousands of dollars above a Chinese waxing salon with transparent screens in place of bedroom doors.

3) An apartment for thousands of dollars where someone appeared to have stolen the living room. Apparently the 2 square foot area I was standing in next to the cooker, was the living room.

4) An apartment for thousands of dollars with a park view. Unfortunately the view was compromised by a homeless guy playing air piano in the middle of the street.

The reality of what money doesn't buy you in Manhattan is marginally less shocking than the reality of the Real Estate agents. My hopes of a besuited, slick, tough negotiator ferrying me around in a sedan with blacked out windows have been more than a little crushed. I wonder where it all went wrong as I hobble behind the latest guy in baggy jeans, while developing blisters on my blisters. Not only is there no car- they take you on the subway and they don't pay for your ride. Or worse, they simply make you walk. Did I mention that? A lot of walking. At least at home you would get a cheap suit and a ride in a Fiesta Finesse.

*
I have a new favourite deli in my local Queens hood. The main thing I like about it is that it's clean. The one downstairs from the apartment always smells of cat's piss and The American and I regularly pontificate on what the Korean owners may be doing to cats to warrant such a stench.

The new favourite deli is Lebanese. The man there 'loves my accent.'

''I love your accent.''

"Thanks." I say, through gritted teeth. I imagine this is what it must be like to be famous. You just must hear the same thing over and over, yet you aren't allowed to get irritated because people are just being nice.

"You're Irish right?"

I spend 5 minutes explaining where Wales is to a blank face. I then pretend not to know where the Lebanon is.

''Don't worry mother," says The Teenager "everyone in my school is talking about the hot new Australian girl."

When I get home I tell The American that I was very nearly murdered on the subway earlier and should such a thing ever occur, could he please make sure it makes the newspapers.

'WHAT. THA. FUCK are you ON about you crazy Welsh woman?''
''Me. Being murdered. Make sure it makes the papers.''
''Why?''
''Cos I am not letting my brutal slaying in the murder capital of America go unpublished."
''Emma.'' he says ''Everybody knows that Chicago is the murder capital of America now.''
''Oh.''
''Where are you going?''
''I have to lie down. My feet are killing me."


Big Apple Brits - British Expats Community New York City

"Welsh Alien in New York..." by Emma Smith


Emma Smith is a featured blogger on Big Apple Brits

Tuesday 1st September 2009. My glamorous new life in New York begins with me arguing in a Queens branch of Subway over a tuna mayonnaise footlong.

I ask the woman for tuna mayonnaise, but she looks at me blankly, so I ask for it again and point to the tuna, but her expression remains. So I say it again...
'Tuna. TUNA MAYO'.
She exchanges confused glances with her colleague. I am hungry and jet lagged and want my $5 footlong.
''Tuna? Tuna? TUNA?'' I say pleadingly
''Ahhhhhhh." says the man smiling 'You mean TU-na?'
"CHOO-na." I say
"TU-na!" he trills
"CHOO-na." I shout
"TUUUUUU-na." he enunciates in his Indian accent ''We call it Tuuuuuuu-na here.''
''It's a fish.'' says the girl
"Are you Australian?'' the man asks cheerily
''No! I am British! And I know it's a bloody fish. And we call in Choo-na.''
"Just give the woman her goddamn footlong!'' interrupts a native New Yorker in the queue.
''Thank you.'' I sigh.
"You should get some To-may-toes on that.'' she suggests
I don't even start.

*
By Thursday morning we are in Manhattan enrolling the Teenager for school in a kind of NY city educational sausage factory. I forget the passports, so we can't even progress past stage one. The American gives me evils while I protest that no one actually told me I had to bring passports. He then has to go all the way back to our temporary pied a terre in Queens and is gone for over and hour.

When we finally get to progress to stage two they tell us we need a sworn affidavit to confirm that we are living together. And it has to be signed by a notary. I am not even entirely sure what a notary is, but The American seems to know so we all follow him as he goes careering off down the street in search of one. This being New York there is a notary just one block away. So we pay a bespeckled Jewish man $2 to put a stamp on the affidavit and then it's all apparently official in the eyes of the New York city that The American and I are co-habiting.

When we return to we have to get back in line to wait for a 125 year old woman to single finger type into a laptop. It's ok though, because she loves my accent and is pretending to know where Wales is.

The Teenager is finally in the system after 4 hours and I learn that bureaucracy is not the sole preserve of the British.

*
On the weekend we go to the cinema. Except I have to call it the 'movies' now. As we pay $36 for tickets for the three of us, I lament the loss of my cineworld card and it's unlimited films for 13 quid a month. There is no American equivalent. What with this and marmite and Coronation Street I have a sudden pang for the homeland. It lasts about 30 seconds until I see a tranny in a micro mini queuing for popcorn, then I love New York again.

We see District 9, a film about aliens in South Africa. They nickname them Prawns. More fish. There is a theme emerging here. No one understands the Aliens or knows where they are from. I know how they feel.

I am, after all... a Welsh Alien in New York.


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