Posted: May 15, 2010 -
Q : Does the Tooth Fairy call when you're over 30?
It's off to the dentist for me today - 4 niggling wisdom teeth have niggled too long and its time to get those babies out. I can blame my immediate motivation to have them done on the fact my kids are getting braces and commenting on my crooked (British) teeth.
A short visit to the good old American dentist and it seems it's not all about chucking Invisalign in, oh no, more to the point it's back to square one with medieval extraction required prior to any beautification process - at this point I'm slightly sorry I opened my gob (doh..).
But the niggling teeth have been niggling to nigh on a decade, so it's absolutely time to embrace the American way and go with the big dentistry procedure.
Add to all this the fact that they've offered me 'twilight' surgery - visions of Robert Pattinson holding my quivering hand before he takes a good old chunk out of my jugular ensue until I google the procedure and figure out it's a form of anaesthesia and not the lovely R. Patts at all. Bouyed up by the thought that there will be major drugs involved and all should be tickety boo, the next problem is what to wear?
The Practice web site tells me to dress in comfortable clothing with a top that can be rolled at the sleeve - presumably so the nice anaesthetist can jab me good and proper with his miracle drugs, so that in turn I don't remember the Dentist sticking his foot on my jaw to leverage the beasts out.
But then I get one of those ridiculous 'what if I die in the dentists chair' moments and my casual J.Crew sparkly tee, Abercrombie sweats and Supergas might not be sending the right message out to the folk perusing my dead body - maybe I should dress up a little? My Dentist is after all rather attractive and I wouldn't want to be caught looking slightly less than par in the style stakes even though I may be deceased.
So is it time to crack out the best underwear ?, upgrade my sweats to more of a tunic/legging kind of a vibe and 'go under' assuming the worst but at least looking good once am gone?
Paranoia is a wonderful thing, I stick with Plan A, get picked up by one of my buddies who has volunteered to be 'responsible' for me and step into the breach.....
A : Spoiler Alert : Apparently Not
The good news is - I'm alive after my ordeal at the dishy dentists - wondering whether 4 wisdom teeth might amass to that last 7lbs I was hoping to lose before bikini season, and fairly plugged up with gauze and Vicadin - a nbf for the next few days.
The bad news is, the Tooth Fairy failed to appear, which has my kids grinning at the fact that they twigged this a good few years back when lethargy got the better of both Tooth Fairies in our house and said kids would often have to wait a good few days for Fairy pay up.
However, so as not to dent my recovery process and mark me psychologically for the rest of my life, I've come up with a fabulous compromise.
At the going rates (it's $1 per tooth in our house, but more if a dentist is involved in the extraction process...), 4 big old wisdom teeth could be worth a fortune. I'm just noticing that under the power of Vicadin I signed the bill without reading it and it seems to be $400 per tooth - that's a nice fat number to be starting with on my revenge on the Tooth Fairy. Surely if the dishy dentist can make that in 30 minutes work with no side affects (apart from him whispering to my buddy that I'd tried to bite him during one tricky extraction), then by the laws of the Shopaholic, I surely should be able to choose my spoils to that value.
This idea on my recuperation sofa, coupled with a nice swimmy head (did I mention the Vicadin), a quiet household and time to peruse the Web, I've so far come up with this nice dress from The Moon and Mars (UK based but ship over here),
And am busy sniffing around another new fave website Far Fetch, which I'm thinking might be my new 'go to' web site for all things European and more (sorry Browns but it's time to move on, too many of my American mates have figured out your quick overseas shipping deal and the things that I used to be looking individual in are now 10-a-penny around here.)
Right, must dash - more sites to snoop around whilst the coast is clear...